Monday PSA

Remember getting the “sex education” talk in school?

My first one was in grade six. It was more of a “you may have noticed some changes happening to your body lately and this is what is going on” talk. It arrived without preamble or pomp and circumstance, sprung on the class unexpectedly. My guess is that someone was caught touching themselves.

Our class was divided by sex – Mr. Gianelli took the boys, Mrs. Cave the girls – and off we went into our separate rooms to become enlightened about our budding sexuality. At recess the girls and boys exchanged lurid details about periods and wet dreams.

In the tradition of sex education, I’d like to propose that schools talk to their students about “scents education”. More and more often, my olfactory glands have been accosted by 12 year old boys doused in the latest trendy colognes. Someone needs to deliver a public service announcement and tonight its gonna be me…

ATTENTION FELLAS:

The whole point of scent is to attract, not repel.

The smell of your cologne should not hit people like a nuclear blast.

You should not be wearing so much cologne that it turns the corner two blocks after you do.

How much is too much? If people are gagging and screaming, “Oh dear god, it burns, it burns!” when you walk by you are probably wearing too much.

The appropriate amount of cologne is almost none – seriously. Don’t wanna smell it unless my nose is buried in your neck.

Always practice safe scents and remember, boys, that abstinence is usually preferable.

This message has been brought to you by the Better Boy-ness Bureau.