A F@#%ed Up Fairytale.
Once upon a time there was a beautiful red-haired princess who lived in a grand castle.
[Okay, so she wasnt’ a princess and the castle was more like a studio loft, but the girl DID have red hair and some might even call her cute.]
Also living in the castle was the princess’ evil ex, who monitored her every move.
[Alright, the ex isn’t “evil” and he pretty much minds his own business and could care less what the red-haired girl is doing but the story needs a villain and by the time he protests this will already be posted.]
One day the evil ex put a magical spell on the door of the castle. It made the door so heavy that the dainty princess couldn’t open it.
[Well, no magic was involved. Although, the heavy duty door sweep that he installed to make the loft more cozy DOES make the door almost impossible for the red-haired girl to wrench open without rupturing her stomach muscles.]
The evil ex laughed wickedly. “You are free to date other guys now…if you can get out. Mwah-ha-ah-ha-ah!”
[Yup, this actually WAS said. Except the laugh wasn’t so wicked, and came from both the ex and the red-haired girl.]