Rebel Quell

On my commute home from a grant writing workshop in Burnaby I found myself to be the sole occupant of a Skytrain car.

I thought to myself, “I could whoop, holler, or send out a primal scream right now.”

Then I thought, “Well, why don’t I?”

I sat psyching myself up. It was difficult – more difficult than I thought it would be – to overcome my inhibition of behaving inappropriately in a public space (even though I was totally alone). I didn’t have much time – soon the train would be pulling into the next station.

I managed to force out a couple of “whoops!” and a “yeah!”, but none of them were even close to the decibel range I was hoping for.

It was as if I were physically unable to make myself disregard civic decorum. Basically, I policed the hell out of myself.

Interesting.

And disappointing.

Wonder if I’ll be more successful in letting go the next time I’m offered a chance opportunity? Might be a “practice makes perfect” thing.